Ep.28 When Your Reality and Your Values Don't Match Up

Are you in a job that's stripping you of your true self? On this episode, Crystal shares her story of how she realized she was in the wrong career and what it took for her to make a change. She also offers advice for those who might be in a similar situation.

Crystal Simmons is a coach, podcaster and speaker who helps women who are ready to make a change in their lives. She has a background in the medical field and has always been passionate about helping others!

In this episode, you will learn the following:
1. What it's like to realize you're in a job that's not right for you
2. How to deal with the challenges and stresses of making a big career change
3. The importance of self-awareness and understanding your own values.

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Transcript

Crystal Simmons: 0:00

I would create something in my head to tell me not to try something. If it didn't go the way I want it to go, or if I didn't think it will go the way I want it to go. Case in point. Last year, I started looking for a part time job basically to just invest in my business so that I can have a stable income while I'm growing my coaching business. And my podcasting was feeding. My brain said, Well, I only want to work part time, there is a job that was available that was full time, and sounded great, but I was not going to apply to this full time. I just shut it down. Instead of going back and say, I don't know what full time looks like for this job. I could get an interview, I can ask the question, but for me to shut it down was me protecting myself because I didn't want to get full time job. I didn't want to be perceived as a failure as an entrepreneur by getting a job period.

Jamie Stephens: 0:56

Thanks for tuning in to another episode of breaking up of corporate each week I chat with everyday women that ditch their nine to five to bet on themselves. We break down their journey into entrepreneurship, unpack the lessons learned and create the vision of how this life gets to be if you're willing to get uncomfortable and step into your potential. I'm your host, Jamie Renee, to time corporate escapee and coach to burnout women looking to plan their escape. Let's go. Thank you for tuning in to another episode of Breaking up with corporate. My guest today is crystal Simmons. Crystal is a coach podcaster and speaker who helps women who are ready to make a change in their lives. She has a background in the medical field and has always been passionate about helping others. In this episode, we're gonna cover what it's like to realize you're in a job that's not right for you how to deal with the challenges and stresses of making a big career change, and the importance of self awareness and understanding your own values.

Unknown: 1:59

Well, I'm thankful I'm here, Jamie, thank you. And shout out to your listeners who are present in this moment. Because they are much like crystal five years ago. So 2017 is when I began my journey, really realizing, oh, maybe there's a different path. So Barbara wine, younger crystal, I started out wanting to help people, I started in medical field, I thought about being a nurse. And then no lie, I was afraid of people dying on me. I don't know why my brain went there. But I was like, I don't want my patients to die. But my mom told me about becoming a radiologic technologist, which is an x ray tech. And she was like, you get to X ray bones. And you know, just me being curious. I was like, oh, okay, obviously, is way more than that, where there are bones, but then you go to the O R, and then you have to go to the bedside. And so I really enjoyed patients, I enjoyed patients who taught, I enjoyed patients who didn't talk, because it allowed me to still remain true to who I was, when I would go into a room if a patient was unconscious, hey, this is Crystal from X ray, I'm just going to slab this board I need you still given that patient care is some nurses respecting it. Some nurses like you don't have to do that you could just like you don't know what they don't know, they might be able to hear me. And that always stood out to me. I wanted to remain myself no matter the situation. And looking back. I didn't realize it at the time. But I remembered the nurse and I was like why would I treat them any differently? I don't know if they can hear me or not right. But when I did my put my best foot forward. So I was an x ray for almost 18 years as an x ray tech. And then I got to teach students to become an x ray tech, different varying ages where the youngest was like 18, all the way up to like 50 or 60 year old where they were doing another career path, which I always thought was like, Oh, wow, you had a full career and then you want to go on X ray school. That's where a little light went off of Oh, can you can switch things up?

Jamie Stephens: 4:02

I could change my mind.

Unknown: 4:03

Yes. Because little crystal for those who don't know, I will say I was the good child of I don't want to get in trouble. I want to do what is expected of me. So that I'll have happiness. Yeah. And while I do think that helped me build my work ethic. It did take away from me venturing out and being curious, and that is who I am by nature. And as I went down this path of corporate, I was getting promoted, I was making more money. I ended up working alongside the director of radiology 2017. And I knew what I wanted to bring to the team. I wanted to bring support education. I wanted to break collaboration with my employees like what is it that you need because I'm no longer on the floor anymore? But I remember when I was on the floor. Is this helpful if you had this and my balls, bless her. I have now forgiven Are because before it was all horrible, but I do recognize I play a part in that relationship as well where I needed training. However, she didn't get her training when she was in that position. Yeah. So she was just repeating what was given to her. And although it made me very frustrated, took away with my abilities, where I realized in that situation, she's doing the best she can, yeah, what she got. And I say that because I was telling Jamie, before we started, I never wanted my own business, it was never thought I would grow up as a little girl that can't wait to have my own, but never not in glee. But when I received an invitation to go to a meeting for this product based business, I was like, why would I do that? I am a Chief Technologist working with the director of Radiology. What do I look like selling these products? No. But things got really dark in that corporate job of bombing, I went to the meeting, and there was the light. There are people who do not know me, but they they they had hope. Yeah. And I didn't know how much hope I didn't know. Until I go into a room of humans that were just like, hey, we're glad you're here is like me, for real. You don't even know me. But they gave me something I needed. I didn't even know I needed. So for those who are listening right now, who may be working a job or a career in this position that you thought it was going to be something else, but you're finding it is taken away from who you are. Forgive yourself, it's okay. You're listening, because you know, there's something else out there. And it might be from Jamie share her story might be from her other guests, it might be a story, or pieces of my story. Celebrate that you are putting the pieces back together again. So I decided to start this business. This was 2018, I think when I started this product based business, and that's when the juices started flowing, like oh, I actually like talking to people. I like networking. I like asking question, what is it that you need? Do you like this, and it gave me like a night and day perspective of I get to run this business and grow it I have no idea what I'm doing. But I get to learn new things. And then I have this corporate job is kind of draining but it's paying my bills. 2019 is when I decided to leave that corporate job completely. I had an employee pass away unexpectedly. And that a bit shocked me to my core of I'm going to die in this job. And I'm not exaggerating, I call my husband stuttering. Like I don't know what to do. I used to just he was like, Do you want me to pick you up loud? Yeah, I kept trying to get out of my chair Jamie in my office, which has no windows, I was by myself. And then later on, I will find myself back in my chair, I was like, I didn't get back to my class, I could not leave that room to talk to my boys about that other employee pass it away. And I remember calling my mom and telling her to like, I can't do this anymore. And in that moment, I had to forgive myself for continuing down a path that I knew was taking less are stripping me of me. And me not being able to speak up as strongly as I wish I would have in the beginning of my knees, I need this to function, meaning I need training. I need to be supported, I need to be encouraged. The way you speak to me is the meaning is not helpful. And not to change them, but to honor myself, right. I started doing that towards the end. And that's when it clicked. I was like, Oh, I can't stay here because they're not shifting. I'm trying to change the system. I don't belong, like I am a circle trying to fit into a square. Like it's not going to work. I tried, I forgive myself, I left. I am now a coach, who coaches women who have said, I'm done. I can't do this anymore. And they realize they want to make a change. That's who I coach. And how I do that is creating that safe space so that they are heard for the things they say to me, but also the things they're not saying I listened for their energy shift I listened for the breaths they take when they're like I'm fine.

Jamie Stephens: 9:34

Like clearly clearly that's the case. What does that fine. I

Unknown: 9:37

mean, what does that mean? But it really takes nine judgment because I see myself in them and I know what's possible in those years back. I did not see this occurring but soon as I started listening to myself, soon as I started highlighting what my values were and like I said to you, it was this is what I need In order for me to flourish without it, do not getting full crystal. And if you're okay with getting like a quarter of crystal, then I don't belong here. And I'm Thank you, and goodbye. The suggestion I would give to people because I am a coach. Now. I'm a speaker, I'm a paid speaker, but I'm also a podcaster. It came to me 2020. So actually 2021 is when I started coaching, because I realized with a product based business, I was still kind of in a box following a pattern that other people have set forth. And I was like, No, I want to go out on my own. I want to take these skills that I use to build my team, to coach individuals who are ready to move, who ready to make a change. And I'm so thankful I did that. Unfortunately, I wish I would have had a part time job while I was doing that. Yeah. So I'll say the things people maybe have not said, and I didn't say before it either. When I left my corporate job, I really wish I would have been more open to working something just to help sustain my mental. Am I just not worried about paying the bills? Yeah, like they got paid. But it was a struggle, like I had my husband. But remember, I left a big corporate job I was making almost $70,000 a year.

Jamie Stephens: 11:30

Yeah. Which is hard to replace, just like that. You know? Absolutely. Despite what you read on, on the internet.

Unknown: 11:38

Yeah. That part, that part and recognizing that some people's story, most people story is not just the immediate turnaround, it is what you gained, to build that business to whatever that income is, right. And it took me a long time to get there. Thankfully, my husband like, what's going on, I left a job like two years ago. So I really am blessed that he supported me in our household and feeding us, I was still able to pay some of my bills. But I'll tell you now, when I left my corporate job, it was awful. And I had one thought that came to mind was, should I get a therapist. And then the thought left. So if you take nothing from this interview, seek support through a therapist or a coach. Because had I known what I know now, and how a therapist can help how a coach can help. I definitely could have like, kind of not deterred, where I'm like struggling pay bills, or let me find a job. But let me do this and taken away from that creativity, when you're trying to build a business or while you're focusing on building that sustainable business doing something that you enjoy,

Jamie Stephens: 12:56

right, I can relate to so many aspects of that story, just because it was this. I left corporate the first time in 2018 with you know, being like, I am so done, I'm set, you know, and I'm gonna do this, I've got this t shirt business going and I'm starting a blog, you know, and I think I'm gonna make money in six months. And I'm like, No, I'm gonna be rolling and all this affiliate money you don't understand. But yeah, I mean, I ended up going back to corporate, but like, that time is really what kicked off my whole journey because I and it sounds like maybe you can relate, but had so much of my identity tied up into leading that team and having those people and having that role, as you know, like, the corporate picture, you know, everything was tied up in them. So whenever I left it, and it was funny, because I was super angry. Yeah. And it's only been within the last maybe year that it's like, Oh, I gotta roll in that. That's that's me to me. Not honoring myself, me not doing the things that I know when it's time to leave, and I just kept pushing and pushing. And so I hear that in your story, too. But you know that that breaking point? I think we all have it. So I heard you talk about forgiveness a lot and like two or three different occasions. Tell me how you found that that was the key for you and what your process is.

Unknown: 14:30

The easiest way to put that is our conscious, also called inner compass where something occurs, and I feel like people would relate to this where something happens you immediately get upset like, Oh, why would you do that? That is a sign for me that I've been activated, where someone has done something that I expect them not to Do but they did it anyways. So when we put labels on other people, then we must have put the label on ourselves like, it goes back and forth. We are all connected. And I know it might be hard for some people to get some people I think will understand what I'm saying. So my process is, what do I know? Right now in this moment? So we go back to my corporate job. When I first started, HR had reached out to me like, Hey, welcome. It was an email, we have this training, that's only 100 miles away. We had it at this hotel is at a discounted price. These are the days I send that email to my boss and my boss's boss. My boss says, No, I don't know if you should go. I don't know we have funds for that. I don't know if you had time to do that. We might need you here the hospital. Her boss says, Yeah, go. My first thought was, why would you want me to go? So I was reacting to as a leader, you should want your new employee to be trained. However, that's not her reality is mine. So we were butting heads, ah, it stories got wilder and wilder, I have to drop this story. I had one of my employees, do something with the patient and the patient reported to patient advocacy. And so I'm sitting down talking to my ploy like, Hey, this is what occurred. I was told this is what you did. How can this be a better situation? Blah, blah, blah. And it was like, Yeah, I probably shouldn't have done that. I probably shouldn't say that's okay. So what was going on? Why did you do that? Clarity. It was a little coaching me. And we came to a resolution. I said that employee email, follow up email, just say hey, thanks for meeting, we talked about this. It was discussed that going forward, you will XYZ thank you again, you have any questions? Let me know if I miss anything, correct me if I need to ask them, whatever. My boss tells me, why would you do that? That's so unprofessional. What would you then in the email? Why would you send a follow up email? That is very unprofessional, one on one, cya. Cover your ass? And that is what HR told me because I was like, what is the best way of being able to communicate to our employees like what is expected the policy decency? Like, there's like, keep a track, but also tell them what you spoke about? Because they might not remember. So both of you are on the same page. This is what we discussed. This is what we agree. Let's move forward. Yeah. I was like, oh, yeah, that makes sense, right. And now I've also like, no. So things like that kept happening where I'm like, Okay, let me talk to somebody else. Tell my husband, my husband tell his younger brother, who at the time was like 18, he was like, wait, what? I thought that was being professional. I'm like, How does an 18 year old know this? And a 50 year old does it like, again, my reality was not her reality. And once I got like, we are on two different planes. Like she's playing football, and I'm over here baking a cake. Yeah. We're not even doing doing the same things. Like it's just so that's an old like, I'm, I'm really trying to force this. So ask yourself, what is my reality? What are what are my values, my value is having support and support for me is having a game plan, having training. If you've hired me, we're in a relationship, I need to know what to expect from me. So they're not gonna say, oh, yeah, I love doing that. Or why the workbook when that, like, me, and my sisters will text. We could talk every so often. But I'm not a big talker or the phone. Yeah, we can get together. And they know that they talk amongst themselves all the time. They'll talk to each other in the morning. And then in the evening. We're different people, even though we share the same blood. So just think about just people you work with. But you have to know who you are ours. It always starts with us first. And Jamie sounds like you were on the process of really uncovering more of yourself when you left as well, for sure. Because that's what happened to me. I was like, Why did I get so mad? And I was like, I wouldn't have led a new employee like that even when I had student techs who are working. I develop a whole training plan by asking the employees it like what do you want the students to know? Asking the student? What do you feel uncomfortable with? So that everyone is on the same page of what is expected of this new hire, so it just makes sense to me, but to her she didn't get that. She didn't get to experience that. So how, how could she give it to me?

Jamie Stephens: 19:53

It's so interesting, too, because there's things like within our careers that just seem so The obvious that it's like, of course, we need to train these new employees that are here, we need to give them the big picture, not just a task, you know, because if nobody gives a shit about a task, right, they need to know how it impacts everything else.

Unknown: 20:18

Say that part again.

Jamie Stephens: 20:20

Like there's so many people that don't get that just common basic thing to where it's like, if you're in that, that is such a frustrating place to be common sense here. Like just basics.

Unknown: 20:33

Yeah. And it really is. Their value may be I want to get all the tasks done, right. That is not my value. Yeah. However, can we meet in the middle where you're getting your tasks done, but yet I know what the impact is of those tasks, right. But if you're not sharing it with me, and I'm trying to share my perspective with you, and you're like, No, no, no, no, no, no. There's no collaboration. A collaborating is one of my value as working together. But if you just want to throw stuff at me Want me to catch it? I'm not your girl. Yeah.

Jamie Stephens: 21:10

So tell me a little bit about your podcast. I did listen to your little crystal episode, which I learned a ladder and the I'm an 80s. Baby too. So like those neon backgrounds? The

Unknown: 21:26

Yes, class. Classic, like so my podcast title is unstuck yourself with personal stenman. So you in stuck s t u CK yourself with crystal Simmons. And it is a platform for those who are stuck in a career stuck in relationships stuck in the mindset of this is the way life should be? Why isn't anyone conforming around me? So a lot of becomes where I will ask a lot of questions. As a coach, I ask a lot of questions. Because Jamie, your values may differ from mine. I share my perspective based on past experiences or things that I'm doing currently. But I toss it back to the audience by asking them questions to ponder on because I created crystals AAA, widget. The first A is awareness. So soon as we heighten our awareness of who we are, what we like what we don't like, some people will say why No, I don't like that. That is good. That is productive. For you to say I do not like when people dismiss me. I do not like when people don't include me. And you might not be able to label what it is that you do like but as long as you know what you don't you're making a step towards Frogger getting closer. Yes. First a is awareness. And then the second A is ability, what am I able to do? So even in that job? Before it was like, Okay, I'm just going to like just take the information, she tossed it at me, I'll take it. I'll just do the work. And then I noticed, okay, I have questions, suddenly to ask them. She doesn't have the answers to them. So when I started recognizing what I'm able to do in a given situation, I could then decide if I want to take action. And that's the third day not taking an action is an action. That is a choice. Are you able to communicate? No, I don't want to do that. Because it's not really vibing with me, it doesn't bring out the best why? It doesn't bring out the best sister. But what I can't do is this. So it really goes back to you knowing you. Therapists help to focus on the why they pass experiences, therapy helps with just solving problems and looking at situations like why did that happen? Why did it happen? I have a therapist and I have a coach. Coach focuses on the how do we move forward, small steps, big steps. But both of those require you to be open, vulnerable, but trusting of yourself. There's only one you like that is your superpower. You can't mess it up. You can get stuck by not speaking with it as you want. But that's why you have all these resources podcasting, that's where it started for me. But yeah, I really want people to recognize their power. You are you in the most beautiful way. And no one can take that away from you. But you by not showing them or expanding that. But yeah, it's best when the podcast is very chill. I laugh a lot. I have pride is is a process for me to clear out some things for myself because I'll have an idea what I want to talk about. Sometimes other things just pop up like Okay, I did not know this needed to come out but I'm glad it came out. And I want people to know they're not in this alone. Um, as humans, we need connection. Do

Jamie Stephens: 25:05

I think that that's been evident more over the last couple of years? You know, I, I'm tend to be an introvert and so I'm usually just okay. I mean, it took a lot longer than everybody else. But finally, I was like, Oh, I guess I really do miss people.

Unknown: 25:22

Like, oh, yeah, I mean that. I want to piggyback on that, because I think we are all a mix of everything. I don't think we're all one way. So just like you even you said, it took you a while, but you got there, like your threshold may be a lot larger than someone else's like, no, I need people right now. We've been elected for a week. Yeah. And just the people who love themselves. Like, it took me a lot longer because I had my husband. But then we got to the point was like, alright, we need a break from jet. Like, I'm kind of tired of seeing you like every, like I miss, you go into work. And so it's always interesting to me how we'll have something like artists, and now there's enough, let's move on to something else. And I think the more we lean into that, and be honest with that, and not feel guilty for it, the happier the more joyful, we will be. It's just humans in acknowledging what it is we want. And we're able to change our mind. And if we could change it again. It's all good. It's all good.

Jamie Stephens: 26:22

I know that you were unhappy in your corporate career, you had found this MLM? And was that kind of the spark that got you on to the kind of self development journey?

Unknown: 26:34

Absolutely. Anytime you do a business, especially why where you had this big community, it is a personal development first. Because now you're reaching out to people, you may not know, you're meeting new people, you're communicating with them. And if you're building a team, you actually have consultants that you're coaching and learning their style of leadership. And I noticed I was leading from a place of less, go less go ahead of reflect back of weight. That's my goal, to grow this business, their goal is just to hang around other people. They might sell products here and there, but they really want the community. And I had to humble myself and talk to my my consultant and apologize. Like, I put my goal on to you. That is not why I started this business. The business was to build community, I didn't even care about them. Like I told my husband, I was like, I didn't start this business to make 1000s of dollars. I just wanted to be around happy people. But then I started using products people are like, what are you using, and I would tell him like, oh, this actually does work and people liked it. I had not promoted this, this product for since I started my coaching business because I do not want to confuse my audience. I am a coach, I am a speaker. And then months later, I became a podcaster. So I will say I'm not going to promote this product. I still have clients hitting me up. I still have clients buying my business continues to grow. I continue to make money without me saying a word for almost a year. Which is sold you it is it is the universe is God saying Look what you can do, because you built it. Now just let it go. You don't have to force anything. That's the biggest, biggest gift, I swear was experiencing that of me thinking, Oh, I gotta push, I gotta hold on tight. I gotta hold on. And then realize, like, I'm gonna release it. And I'm gonna focus just on growing coaching. That's it. And it just kept coming in. I was like, Oh, wow, this is awesome. Like, so sometimes they always say, if you release in it comes back to you must be meant to be or something like that. I think. Yeah, chop that all up. That is definitely my experience where if people want it, they will go get it. You don't have to change. It's

Jamie Stephens: 29:00

not because you're the friend or will I have to buy this because it's my sister or it's like, no, I actually tried it. And I really Yeah, that's it like, yeah, that's it. That is it. Yeah. What is that? Just because I'm curious. Oh, it's Arbonne.

Unknown: 29:16

Oh, okay. Yeah, I

Jamie Stephens: 29:17

just, I actually just bought something from another lady that I interviewed not too long ago because she was a consultant too. And it's funny. I several, I mean,

Unknown: 29:29

this was like

Jamie Stephens: 29:31

2005 I mean, it was a long time ago, I used to be an Arbonne consultant, Team Leader and all of that. Yeah. So, ya know, I love the product. And

Unknown: 29:42

that's, that is the bit and that is why I decided to start with this and it's because I know what people say about these businesses, but I really was hesitant to even try because I had never heard of it. But then the woman made some protein bars and I'm like, This is really good. And then And I told her no, thank you. And then she because she was at the gym, she came to the gym again, like two weeks later, and I tried the bar again. And I was like, still good. My brain was like this is trash, you just put something in it. It just, it made me feel better learn more, because again, I came from the medical world, I did not know, dairy was inflammatory. I didn't know what gluten was. So I learned so much. And the products were good. And that is what attracted me to that. But also the community of people saying, you know, you can actually travel, you know, you can actually leave your job if that is what you choose, you know, you can try other things like people who did start as a consultant ventured out to doing something else it is, it is the best way for me to have experience great products, but also how to run a business, how to market myself how to do more research, how to connect with new people, mentors, like, it was just a happy bank full of resources that I didn't even know existed. That was the biggest gift. And

Jamie Stephens: 31:07

also they have a big focus on like personal that personal development. Yes, as well. Yes. I mean, I think that was probably my very first introduction.

Unknown: 31:17

That is what got me hooked to podcasts. Actually, when I started, they had a lot of recordings where other leaders from all over would have them like the team meetings, or they had like a conference or whatever, they will put them on SoundCloud. So my, what is it called upline? She was sent me stuff and I'll listen mine down. I'm like, Well, this one's really good. That's what got me into the mode of oh, I can actually learn by like washing the dishes while I'm showering, like, driving. This is amazing. And that's when it started clicking like, Oh, let me try a podcast because my husband did say you would like a podcast. I was like, what is the podcast? He's like, it's like the radio, like, how do you choose one? Like, you know, we have our favorite radio stations because they play our favorite songs. But how do I do the podcast? But that is what started it. I'm glad you brought that up.

Jamie Stephens: 32:10

Admittedly, there needs to be a better system a search button for I mean, for pi. Because that is even finding new podcasts. It's, I mean, it's not a problem now, because we're in this group. And there's amazing things happening. But like before, where you're trying to find something or something that kind of interest you it's like, it'll pull up the same 10 podcasts. And it's like, no, like, I've I'm not jiving like what else out there. But yeah, there's an opportunity there for somebody somebody techie to solve that problem.

Unknown: 32:44

And I would say because I didn't like finding stuff that I didn't like, meaning. I think it's part of my perfectionism, which I just discovered that I had, I did not know, I was a perfectionist. And what that looks like is I would create something in my head to tell me not to try something, if it didn't go the way I want it to go, or if I didn't think it will go the way I want to go. Case in point. Last year, I started looking for a part time job basically to just invest in my business so that I can have a stable income while I'm growing my coaching business. And my podcasting was feeding. My brain said, Well, I only want to work part time, there was a job that was available full time. And it sounded great. But I was not going to apply to this full time. I just shut it down. Instead of going back and say, I don't know what full time looks like for this job. I could get an interview, I can ask the question. But for me to shut it down. Was me protecting myself because I didn't want to get full time job. I didn't want to be perceived as a failure as an entrepreneur by getting a job period. So once I talked to my therapist about it, I then came to the realization like I could actually go to the interview, I could apply I can ask question, and that's what happened. I didn't get the position. But it wasn't. It wasn't a good fit once I went to the interview, which is what I should have done from the beginning. So there was another incident where I found a job and I asked the woman who told me about the jobs like is this full time or part time she was like I think it's some I think it's part time or full time and I was like I don't want apply then I just started making up stories in my head or why I couldn't do this thing in my brain will just create another scenario where I told my therapist once I found out there's a part time job and then I was like But what if I take the job? I don't want to quit it. In case this like I just started making up stuff. So yeah, it's just super random, just super random. And different

Jamie Stephens: 34:56

scenarios applied to it whenever you're you're just like Just shut up, just go explore

Unknown: 35:01

it just for your brain,

Jamie Stephens: 35:03

we'll take a hike, just simmer down was just a tip I

Unknown: 35:07

would give as your brain has been most of us, our brain has been on autopilot for decades. So it's gonna take time to really pause that. And meditation has helped me tremendously, where I started doing it probably a couple of years ago, but I will say consistently, probably the last four or five months, was almost every single day.

Jamie Stephens: 35:30

Yeah, I'm a big meditator, it makes a huge difference just in the way that I show up for me. I mean, otherwise, it's, I don't know why, but I tend to lean towards angry whenever I'm, you know, whatever, I'm not alive, not in a good space. You know, it's just like, everybody just pisses me off. You know, I mean, that's kind of my default, where it's like, yeah, so there's really, I mean, I've been doing it consistently for two years or more now. And that's just part of who I am. Now. It's not even just a thing that I do. So it's, I'm a meditator, you know. And it's, I mean, that just makes a huge difference. And in my life, whenever you can just adopt those things. And really, I mean, I think it's another level whenever it becomes a part of your identity, and some, you know, just embodying that on such a different level.

Unknown: 36:22

And I want people to understand that, because we meditate, we're not just like, Oh, we're perfect at it, we sit down and mind doesn't wander because when I talk to people chase, they will say, I've tried meditating, I just can't do it. I'm like, Tell me more. They're like, my brain be going, I'm like, Yeah, that happens every time. So I'll it's the brain. Yes, it is doing what it's supposed to do. But you'll notice yourself as you continue, how you don't react, like, Ah, stop running, like stop thinking of scenario, you'd be like, Look at me thinking about what I'm supposed to do later, your reaction is lessened, you're able to actually see what's going on and not respond so quickly or so aggressively. And that is what meditation is, is not how soundly can you be is how much are you aware. So maybe we meditate for 10 minutes, and your brain has been going and right at the end, near the nine minute mark. You're like, Oh, my God, I've been thinking this whole time you get it? You were aware, I was just dreaming and thinking about that is what meditation is because I do feel like a lot of people say I can't meditate, I do it wrong. If you sit down, and you're still you are meditating. Yeah, period, there's no grading system at all. And for some, it could be a walk for some I heard on another podcast, a woman was saying how she will stare at like a flower and just look at the colors in the pedals. And she's like, that's my former meditating on never tried it, or like a tree and just, it is being silent, present. And just acknowledge, like, your brain goes like up there it is, again, and we'll come back to this tree.

Jamie Stephens: 38:16

You know, I think there was something that you said in there about responding. And I think that that is like the key difference, at least for me, it was just it gives me that practice, pause of that little break between reacting and responding to something because it's just that split second to where you're like, Oh, let me check myself first. And then also, yeah. And that's what meditation does is it lets you it's quick breaks? Is this really where you're going? Like, is this what you wanted? You know?

Unknown: 38:52

Yes. Those who are listening, rewind this part back to Tim seconds, because Jamie just dropped a bomb of that is that is to cheat code. Like in coaching. It is our responsibility as a coach to just create the space so that the client can be more aware, more conscious of, maybe I do want to be angry in this moment. So I'm going to choose that. Maybe I do want to be more patient and just listen. But you want to be able to choose. Are you choosing to react that way? Or is that just autopilot? When something happens? I tell people you get on my nerves. We irritate me Leave me alone, or is it like hey, I'm really tired. Like I'm really really tired. Can you give me a couple minutes? Or I don't want to talk? Right? Can we talk tomorrow? Are you choosing your response? Or is your brain choosing for you based on past experiences? That is what coaching does

Jamie Stephens: 39:56

and meditation and all I mean, that's all of that. I mean, come on. is just power.

Unknown: 40:02

Yes, yeah. It's like brushing your teeth. Some people use mouthwash some people laws, some people use the little sticks to floss, some old school around the finger like, it's just tools for a healthy mouth. And then you go to the dentist's. So you have all of these tools, we, I just want people to know that there are resources for our well being to mentally, physically, spiritually, there's so many resources, and there's nothing wrong with you for wanting one or three, you get to decide,

Jamie Stephens: 40:38

tell me about some of your favorite resources to stay well to stay sharp and all the things

Unknown: 40:45

is definitely recognizing that there is a higher higher power other than me, universe, God, all of it, it encompasses love. But it starts with self love, I love walking around, there's this big lake like this big lake, I think maybe just big body of water around the clubhouse. That is one place that always comes me. There's geese flying, you hear birds chirping. And it's just a constant reminder of there's life going on all around us. And it's beautiful. No matter what's going on. Just being out in nature is free. And for some I know it might not be safe or for some, whatever the case may be, but just looking outside of seeing the sun is theme birds and life, it brings me so much joy sitting down in the grass, in my backyard, play with my dog, walk in the neighborhood with my husband, and my dog. These are things that are free, that I have come to really appreciate. Because I've slowed down and I didn't have that corporate job anymore. Where I value those walls I value the time to just sit. No amount of money can take that from me. No, I want to go outside I want to play like none. Doing that. Meditating, talking to family. And being vulnerable with people that I'm learning the last couple of years of asking for help telling people when I'm hurt or sad, and not having to fix everything on my own. Yeah, as women, we could do it. We can do all ended some. But it came to me that it's lonely doing that. It's disconnecting with others when I do that. And really, are we able to do it all? Like how much better would it be if we can actually take a little break and let someone else Shani. Haddow present. And that is the gift that I'm giving myself. allowing people to help me allowing people to support me. But it requires me to speak up and say, Hey, I'm having an event I want you to come not expecting them. But just say this is what I need. And this is what I want. Oh yeah, you know, we'll be there like, oh, wow, okay, or like, oh, girl, I'm busy. But tell them when the next one come. Okay. Giving myself that gift. And that would be the biggest takeaway is for those who are the doodles, I got it. But you keep finding yourself in this mode of I can't do everything. And I'm I'm tired of everybody thinking I can breathe. But also recognize your part in it. Have you asked for help? Have you told people when you need a break instead

Jamie Stephens: 43:52

of resentful start? When they're done that you know about you use your words?

Unknown: 44:00

Yes, sometimes it will take you telling them more than once I'm learning that as well. And it's not for them to get it. It is a gift to yourself of this is what I wanted. And maybe they forget, hey, this is what I want. You did tell me that this is what I want. Like you get to that that feeling of having that voice is empowering you. It's almost not a I'm not able to put into words of the feeling is peace. I'm okay with expressing this is what I want. I'm okay with. Okay, it's been it's been a year. Yeah, I still want that. Or, oh, it's been six months what they were.

Jamie Stephens: 44:42

And I think that that I mean, there's so much bravery in that, right? Because we tend to just do things because that's what we're expected to do versus ruffle feathers versus honoring ourselves versus you know, it's like well, I mean, I just started this I can't do something else now. I can't I shouldn't You know, all of those things, don't make it out of fear. I mean, those aren't fear decisions. Just make sure that it's actually coming from a place of contemplation and you've sat with it. But yeah, really honoring that, and just saying, No, this, I don't care what anybody else thinks this is what I'm going to do, and how I'm going to do it. And

Unknown: 45:20

yeah, I love that. And I will end with a question of, how does it feel, to dismiss what it is that you know, you want and need to give somebody what they expect? Like they still don't know. They're guessing? Because they don't know you? You know you. That's like me telling Jamie, your favorite food is shrimp. What's your favorite food? Jamie? Not shrimp. Exactly. Like, but I like shrimp. So you were friends. You gotta like shrimp so we can eat shrimp together? Yeah,

Jamie Stephens: 45:54

I'll totally eat shrimp. But not you know, I mean, it's but yeah, I guess

Unknown: 45:59

now is weird. Because now we're together. And I'm like, eat your friend. Like, what's wrong with you? Why aren't you eating your? But I thought we like safe. Like, we're we're both not getting what we want. Right? If you told me that is not my favorite food. Oh, cool. What's your favorite food? I love that too. Now we get to talk about this other thing. People may have expectations for you. But it's because sometimes what we have presented Yes. Forgive yourself or what you present it up into this point. Now create a share who you truly are. Small steps. Small steps. It doesn't have to be major. It could be food. Someone thinks you like trip. Hey, guess what? I don't actually don't like Trump. Why but you've eaten it. Even for the last three years? Yeah. I've been eating it because I love being around you. I do not like to drink. Yeah. And you get to you get to it is bravery. But you what, what a gift to give yourself of knowing this person likes meat, even though I don't care too much for shrimp. It sounds silly. But it really is that simple. You get to figure out who likes you and loves you for you is not the best gift. Yes. It's beautiful. It's not easy. It's not easy. Facts. And that's what we have resources. Yes. It is not easy.

Jamie Stephens: 47:31

All of the resources. Yeah. Well, because there's that. A lot of shame. I think that we carry because of what we've done in the past and who we've presented ourselves to be, and then how you know, all of that has to be undone and kind of you just kind of have to break and build yourself back up again. Yeah. And it's just part of the process. And it's all good. Yeah, awesome. Crystal, tell people where they can find more about you all the places and who you help. And if you've got any programs coming up all of the things.

Unknown: 48:05

Thank you, Jamie. And for those who are listening, and you felt something like a shift, I would encourage you take the next step of reaching out to my website, crystal clear purposes, is C ry s, Sal, clear si l e, AR and then purposes purp o s, e s.com. And we can schedule a clarity call. In these Clarity Calls, we get to focus on each other, do we mesh well? Is coaching a good fit for you? Is this a good fit for you? If not, I know other coaches that can help you on taking that next small step. Because had I know what I know now, I definitely would have made more productive and more progression in my journey of leaving corporate because I could have shared my fears. Of what I really love patients. I really love my employees, but this is killing me. And having that sounding board of a make sense how you having this decision, leaving this job to honor yourself? How? Yes, it makes sense. All of that makes sense. Then we get to process like what could be a smallest step. So I love doing the Clarity Calls because every time I have them, I never know where they're gonna go because the client always has the answers. Always in forever. You have them within you. So definitely my website crystal clear purposes.com But also, I'm on Instagram at Crystal Clear purposes as well. I post here and there sometimes I go lie. I share some tidbits about coaching and what that looks like. But the podcast unstuck yourself with crystal Simmons, I have weekly podcast episodes that come out every Wednesday that pertain to unstuck in yourself in difficult conversations, stuck in yourself with therapy versus coaching things of that nature. But yeah, you get to get a feel of who I am, how I present information, how much fun I am, but also just build a wisdom of just past experiences, being able to look back at how I could have done things differently. So that people who were in the situation I was, what, five years ago, they can do it in a way where they see themselves in some of my stories and be like, okay, yeah, so she did, I could do it. But I'm going to do it this way. And that's the best part. You get to make it your own. So yeah, I would love to connect, please reach out. And tell me what you think about this episode with me, Jamie. That'd be cool. All right.

Jamie Stephens: 50:40

Thank you so much.

Unknown: 50:42

Thank you. Thanks so

Jamie Stephens: 50:44

much to Crystal for being on the show today. A few of the key takeaways from this conversation include, number one, understand that everyone has their own reality. When you're working with people be aware that your expectations, ethics, priorities and viewpoints may not necessarily align. Instead of getting angry, get curious. Number two, know yourself and your own values, it becomes easier to understand the reality you're living in and the way you're reacting to something when you take the time to identify your values. When you're triggered by something someone says chances are your values are not aligning with the situation. Let that be a point of discussion to find what works for both of you. Number three, don't forget the human connection. Even introverts eventually reach a point where they miss connecting with other people, find your people and start connecting. Number four, go from shutting it down to shutting up and exploring if there's something that's got you curious, but your brain spews a million reasons on why it won't work before you even have a chance to explore it. That's a fear response. Just get quiet and explore the ways that it might work out. Number five, meditation gives you power when you meditate you gain the awareness of your thoughts. With practice, you can learn to respond with your desired outcome in mind, versus reacting in the moment. This is the same skill that coaches use to hold space and listen to their clients. Number six, connect with something bigger. Whatever is your thing, God universe nature, connect to the bigger picture and the beauty that surrounds us to help you get out of the narrow focus of your own problems. Number seven, honor yourself by being vulnerable. Open up to those around you ask for help when you need it. You don't have to do everything yourself. But people can't read your mind begin to separate the true you and the you that you have presented yourself to be up to that point. Okay, once again, thanks to Krystal for being on the show and I have linked everything in the show notes. And that is it for this week. Thank you for tuning in to another episode of Breaking up with corporate and I just wanted to let you know I've made it super easy to leave a review for the show, just click the link in the episode description and it will give you instructions on how to leave a rating and review with the app that you're using. You have no idea how much this helps. I really appreciate you and I hope you have a fantastic week.