Ep.31 Confessions of a Recovering People Pleaser

Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired?  On this episode, Chelle gives us a front row seat of what it looks like to set aside a lifetime of people pleasing in order to find your voice.

Chelle Shapiro is a career success coach, speaker, author, and podcaster.  She's passionate about helping women find more fulfilling work so they can avoid the hard core burnout she did in her career.  

In this episode, you'll learn:

• The struggle of undoing societal conditioning for women
• What it looks like to balance your life as an entrepreneur
• The importance of creativity in your daily life

Go here for full show notes and links!

Resources:  Want to know 7 things you can do today to make leaving corporate easier?  Grab it here!

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Transcript

Chelle Shapiro: 0:00

especially as women, we put on a front a little bit not because we are ashamed to like say that we're feeling this or feeling a certain way, but because we've been trained to only show up a certain way, so even if we are navigating it for ourselves, sometimes there's that fear that if we're open about it, other people will see that as flawless. When really, we're just like exploring ourselves and becoming better for ourselves. But we're trained, we're taught, we're conditioned to only show up and present certain parts of ourselves. And it's that unlearning it's that undoing part that like, I think a lot of women struggle with.

Jamie Stephens: 0:41

Thanks for tuning in to another episode of Breaking epic corporate. Each week I chat with everyday women that ditch their nine to five to bet on themselves. We break down their journey into entrepreneurship, unpack the lessons learned and create the vision of how this life gets to be if you're willing to get uncomfortable and step into your potential. I'm your host, Jamie Renee, to time corporate escapee and coach to burnout, women looking to plan their escape. Let's go. And welcome back to another episode of Breaking up with corporate today we have Chelle Shapiro on and Chelle is a career success coach and a speaker and fellow podcaster with Operation separation. So we are in a similar niche here of basically letting all the people know that they just need to run from corporate. So Chelle why don't you go ahead and introduce yourself, just kind of tell us what you're doing now, specifically, and then we'll kind of get into a little bit of your backstory.

Chelle Shapiro: 1:44

Yeah, sure. Thank you so much, Jamie, for bringing me on here. I'm Chelle founder of Shell station, I'm a career success coach, and activation speaker and one I help most of my clients with is finding more fulfilling work. And the reason that I do that. And the reason that that's so important to me, I myself burned out so hard. In my last job, I was there for over 13 years, I was doing all the things wearing all the hats. And I got sick and tired of being sick and tired, I got tired of doing things everybody else's way. I was tired of doing things that didn't light me up. And I was pretty resentful, doing the things that even though I was good at them, those were not that's not where I wanted to shine. That's not what I wanted to be appreciated and known for. And so I got really sick mentally and physically. And I knew I needed better for myself. Several times throughout that 13 year tenure, I came to a point. points actually where I was like, I know I need a change, but I didn't know exactly what it was or how to do it. And I didn't have the courage and competence yet to pull the trigger. Until I just couldn't do it anymore. And so that day came. And I meet that's where operation separation came from to with my with my podcast and doing the lives. And that's the name that I gave to getting out of the job, getting out of the situation out of my circumstances and changing all of that. So yeah, that's the basics of what I do right now. And the conversations that I'm having and how I help people navigate that. So it sounds

Jamie Stephens: 3:25

like it kind of became like a mantra. This is my mission. I am like Operation separation. Everything that goes with that will tell us what kind of led up to that. What was it that you were getting resentful for? And like how did you attempt to handle it before leaving, if you did,

Chelle Shapiro: 3:41

I've actually written a book about this, it's called Loving yourself isn't selfish. And that's my transformation journey from like childhood, all the things that like maybe led up to me being a people pleaser, and a perfectionist that I'm now like in recovery for both of those actively, like it's a struggle, it takes readers and myself through that journey of like, how I was completely silenced a lot growing up, I was always I'm still somebody that is a lifelong learner. And I would raise my hand a lot all the time and asked questions, whether I knew the answer or not. I just wanted to be curious and to learn more and to do things better, and to know how other people were doing things so that I could evolve and do things my own way and figure things out. Even teachers would be like, Chelle work, Michelle, because that's my full name. Michelle put your hand down and give somebody else a chance. Like they thought I was just showing off all the time. And that wasn't the case. And so you hear that enough to like, you know, girls are taught to be seen and not heard. And to just be there without ever like speaking up or having an opinion or being too chatty or too nosy or too pushy or to add to too much of any of the things. And so I just stopped and as far as like what I was gonna say I'm full of was, I'm a helper. If you know anything about any grams or human design, any of the different charts and assessments, I am always somebody that is a helper. I help people navigate things I help people get things done, I take things off people's plate. That's also my love language is one of my main ones is acts of service. The other one is quality time, so many things I know. But like, through and through, I help people. And I do that to a fault because I often put myself on the backburner. So, as a people pleaser, that means that I'm showing up to try and gain people's affection, attention, love admiration, all the things by doing things for others, even when they don't necessarily serve me. Because I just wanted to show up and, and be helpful, where I'm really good at things I'm really good at executing on a gallop assessment, if you've taken that in corporate before, there's five, they split you into. So it's not 5050. But I'm split between executing, and relationship building things. And everyone kept seeing me for those executing things like getting it done, the consistently showing up the being able to be counted upon like to do all the things and that day to day, those are the things that you're really good at, but like I don't like doing them, they don't drive me they don't motivate me, they don't energize me. And so getting recognized for being able to execute really well. Why, like I'm resentful of the fact still sometimes that like, those are the things that people see first, not the relationships that I've built, not the time that I've put not the quality time, more effectively, to get to know somebody and figure them out and build those relationships and support people, the relationship building side, that's what I wanted more of, and people just weren't seeing that. And I think that got lost along the way, because I was silenced. And so I just took it, I just took the affection and the attention and the appreciation that I could get where I could get it. Even if it's not what I wanted, or how I wanted it.

Jamie Stephens: 7:16

I think one of the curses of being like really good at your job and being really good at like lots of different things is that and becoming that go to person because I was in a very similar situation where it was just like, the reward for being corporate it being good. And like a corporate environment environment is not like those things that you're actually seeking. It's really just more work that gets piled on. So like, it's, you can go from Oh, look, I just figured out a way to cut my job, you know, down to 20 hours a week. And it's like, oh, great, here's

Chelle Shapiro: 7:49

40 more hours where the stuff that I need you to take care of it, you do become that pull, because it's like, okay, but if everybody else were held to this standard, I wouldn't have to do this, you know, so I totally get that. And it just builds and builds and builds. So and if and if everybody like, I totally get that some people are NOT GO GO GO GO GO mentality. That's how I was raised. That's how I was encouraged to be like a really high achiever like you give it your all and then some, there's no half assing anything, it still blows my mind a little bit that other people are not this way. But I can't fault other people for not being raised that way that people are how they were raised. And sometimes they don't know any other way to be. And so it takes a little bit of like that, meeting people where they're at, and recognizing that not everybody has that high achieving personality, that wants to like be high functioning and getting things done all the time. I also have that personality, less and less now. That like if I'm not constantly doing something, whether it's for myself or someone else, I feel like that's being lazy. So I always want to be doing something specifically something that creates motion and like pushes things forward. As opposed to staying stagnant and and not doing any of the things to move forward. And so I beat myself up to like, and then there's resentment there of like, well, now I've overworked myself, and I did it to myself. Other people asked but I also didn't stop. I also didn't I also let them do it. Boundaries certainly come into play there too, of what you will and won't allow. And it's it's all a really big cluster F bomb of like, well, if I keep showing up, this is how people are going to see me. And if I stopped showing up in this way are people going to think that I'm not supporting them anymore. Like this is how they the it prevents you perpetuates the cycle. If I slow down for myself, I feel guilty that I'm not doing enough for others and If I do too much for others, I feel guilty that I'm not doing enough for myself. It's It's a never ending cycle. Would you say that

Jamie Stephens: 10:07

you're still kind of working through that and learning how to navigate that particular piece of? Yeah, yeah,

Chelle Shapiro: 10:14

I absolutely i, now that I've not been working for somebody else, for the last three years, I've gone through this whole transformation journey. And this mindset shift, but the work doesn't end there. Right, right. It's not like you go through the process, one, one and done. And, and then all of a sudden, you're like, miraculously a different changed person, you are a work in progress. And I myself struggle with things every single day, I do not fail. Because failure only happens. In my mind, failure only happens when I don't try it all. But as long as I can learn from something and be better about it, or be more intentional with what I'm doing and how I'm doing it, then there's no failure. There can only be positive growth and positive impacts, because we're always growing, learning and changing. I myself struggle every single day, what that struggle is changes on an hourly basis, probably because it depends where my focus goes, where my energy is, but yeah, you're not, you're not just going to change and make make all the changes and be better overnight. It's, it's a constant thing that that I grow and change through in that all my clients or anybody that I've seen that has gained perspective on their life and become more mindful and self aware. It's a constant prep process.

Jamie Stephens: 11:42

Well, I was kind of just hoping you had like the magic bullet or something. Because I tend to be I mean, even when I'm like resting, quote, unquote, I'm like, my mind is still going. It's like, I haven't read a fiction book and so long, because like, I feel guilty if I read fiction, whenever I could be learning something, you know, but I totally get this struggle, for sure. Yeah,

Chelle Shapiro: 12:03

but you're but you actually kind of are. Because when you're when you're reading fiction, because a lot of what I work on a lot of people's home, like thinks that they're not creative. I'm I'm definitely a creative to my core, like I was raised that way, I have so many artists, and people that do art related or creative minded things in my family, like there's there's painters, there were sculptors, there were chefs, artists, all different ways. But creativity goes beyond that. And so when people tell me specifically that they don't have a creative bone in their body, called bullshit on that all day, every day, because if you can problem solve it, you can think outside the box, if you can, like, open your mind to doing things a different way. That is creativity. And when you are saying that you don't feel like you're learning anything, when you're reading fiction, you're giving your mind an opportunity to dive into creativity and like, listen to a story or read a story and explore what that those characters are navigating. So that is creativity. Learning at its best. Yeah, that's

Jamie Stephens: 13:11

a good shift, because I've never really thought of it that way. And it's, it's an interesting perspective. And I liked the way that it can relax a little bit. Because I mean, I do feel like I'm creative. And I love picturing all the scenes and all that stuff in my mind. Like, as I'm reading a book or whatever, it's just so funny that just the way that our minds work, and just that constant exploration of like, okay, what kind of shit Am I unpacking today? Because that's what it is, like, what is happening here, where you just, I don't know, there's so much stuff that comes up as an entrepreneur that never came up in corporate, it's just like a different mixed bag. And it's not that, I mean, I would choose this bag over the other bag, any day of the week. But it is it's just a constant work in progress. And anybody who tells you differently is either not really self aware, or full of shit.

Chelle Shapiro: 14:06

And I think, especially as women, we put on a front a little bit not because we are ashamed to like say that, like we're feeling this or feeling a certain way, but because we've been trained to only show up a certain way. So even if we are navigating it for ourselves. Sometimes there's that fear that if we're open about it, other people will see that as flaws. When really we're just like exploring ourselves and becoming better for ourselves. But we're trained, we're taught, we're conditioned to only show up and present certain parts of ourselves. And it's that unlearning it's that undoing part that like, I think a lot of women struggle with. I don't know how to be any other way. Like I don't know who I am without this core piece.

Jamie Stephens: 14:54

What were some of the things that you had to undo whenever you left? Yeah, that first part The transition where you're like, eff it, I'm done. And then I'm like out the door. And then what was that kind of next day, or next week next month, kind of what did that look like?

Chelle Shapiro: 15:10

So, this ties in, I was gonna actually talk about this, because because you mentioned before that you were resting or we weren't getting like restful sleep, because you were powered on all the time and always worried about like, the next thing are always thinking about what you needed to do, what you needed to get done, who you needed to respond to. I was powered on all the time. And so even in my sleep, I was dreaming about work, I use dreaming loosely, because they were probably actually more closely related to nightmares, the way that I was having having panic attacks from all these things. But I was dreaming about work. And it was so lifelike, it seemed so real, that when I woke up, I'd be like, Alright, I need to reach out to this client or the deadline is due. And I have to now that's the first thing I have to work on. When I go to the office, I have to get this that the other thing done, and then I'd reach out to the client. And they'd be like, we never talked about that. That's not a real thing. We're still over here. And so I like would merge the two reality and my dream life together. Because they both the same for me. I was working on real clients projects, but I imagined those projects. And it happened. It happened more than once where clients were like, Yeah, we're working on this, but that I don't know what you're talking about. And I'm like, Yeah, but we emailed and like I would write, like, you know, read out, or remember what what the email was about. And I'd like tell them, and of course, I didn't have it in front of me at that moment. Because, you know, like, you can't pull up fax when you're calling. But I could see it in my mind. Like I could see the email and the text and the proofs I worked as, as a production artist, production manager at a signage company. So when I speak about this previous job, it's from all different creative avenues, because I started as a graphic designer, and then quickly took on all the things. But to answer your question about what that was, like, for me, in that first few weeks, and right after, I had to learn how to power down and recharge. And that's where that's actually where operation separation came from. It started as a challenge to myself, because nobody knew that I was leaving, except for my boyfriend. No, I didn't tell anybody else that you know, you want to, like let somebody know, in case something was to happen, somebody somewhere should know. So he, he was the one that knew, but like I did all the planning. And Operation separation was the two weeks that I gave myself. And I said, I can feel even a little bit better in these two weeks, whatever that looks like whatever that feels like. Then now's the time to quit. And that first week of Operation separation was super hard. Now, I'm not even activated at this point yet, like just being able to not respond to my emails, not answer my calls. And my boss paid for my cell phone. So my work phone was my personal phone. So they were one in the same. People were emailing, calling all hours of the day and night work didn't stop. So trusting myself enough to turn off, turn off my devices to not respond to not engage, to not freak out that I wasn't being helpful. And checking in was a really big shift for me. And gradually after those two weeks, I did feel a little bit better, not 100% better, not even maybe probably not even 10% better. But a little bit that I noticed the difference of like, oh, this is what I've been missing. And like, what else have I been missing? And then I wanted more of it. And I kept that promise to myself like this is the time that it needs to happen now no more like passively looking for other jobs passively interviewing and saying I have doctor's appointments. And that's why I'm coming in late. Like, no, this is what needs to happen. And so even after I left, the next few months for a lot of recharging. For me, it was a lot of doing nothing and allowing myself to be okay with that. To not be planning and doing things all the time. I think there was a week, an entire week where all I did was lay on the couch and watch TV. And I felt horrible doing it but it needed to be done it needed to I needed to not be doing anything else and just take the time for myself. Just mindless television. i There were days where I just played a video game on my phone. And I lose it's like playing Oregon, Oregon Trail as a kid, like you just used the day you're playing The Sims and building your your village with your family and your people and whatever else you're creating. And all of a sudden you started at 11am and now it's 11pm and you're like alright, so my it's months now have gone by in the game. And a day has gone by in my life where like I just lost time. And it was something that didn't need to be done. It was something that just like was mindless, playful energy. That and it felt good. So yeah, just learning how to navigate and not showing up all the time was the biggest shift. Yeah.

Jamie Stephens: 20:17

So as an entrepreneur, and now that you're your own boss, how do you continue to kind of find that balance when, I mean, I know that it's, it's just a different type of stuff that's never done. It's, you know, I mean, it's like, there's always more to do. But you can always find a break a stopping point, I'm just curious how you kind of transition that into entrepreneurship, how you were able to maintain it.

Chelle Shapiro: 20:43

Yeah, that's also a work in progress as especially now that I'm in a new location and adjusting to a time change. So I'm on Pacific time right now. And I was on Eastern time. So that's a three hour time time adjustment. For me, it's about following my energy. I no longer schedule everything until the cows come home, because I know that that's not realistic. I have tried to work in time blocks, I tried the Pomodoro method with like setting timers, and then taking breaks and like allowing myself to do as much as I can in the next 10 to 15 minutes and then walking away from it. Nope, that doesn't work for me, because when I'm focused on something, I go down rabbit holes. So I just follow my energy Mondays and Thursdays, for me have always been live stream days like this is when I have live conversations. This is when I do like the back end stuff then to produce the content for it. Because I'm like, alright, well, I'm in this frame of mind. So I just have geared myself a little bit differently, to like, show up a certain way on different days. Some days, I have client calls. And that's all I have some days, I all only do engagement. Some days, I do only like back in updating my website and checking up on emails like clerical stuff, every day is different. And I've learned to be okay with that. Part of following my energy now is I know, I won't take calls or do any heavy lifting in my business until a certain time in the morning, because anything before that it's just me time. Yeah, I might engage because relationship building is who I want to be known for. And it's fun for me to respond to people's comments and questions and messages. But that doesn't take that doesn't drain me. So I'm okay doing that before, like 10 or 11am. But I won't have like full on strategy sessions, I won't do any like, heavy lifting on my website or like, because I make changes there to remember, I'm a recovering perfectionist and a designer. So if I start doing something, I'm probably going to be doing it for a few hours. But I just take that me time in the morning. And then the other part of it is recognizing that I have more energy in the morning. So I'm going to do my best work then. And yes, I do do work in the evening, because a lot of clients prefer it they want to meet after the day is done. Like their their nine to five work day or whenever they end or after they feed feed the kids dinner, or or do those things. So there are a few things that I do workwise in the evening, but those don't require as much energy and won't drain me as much when I know my energy is lower. So I do I do cut myself a little bit of slack, and allow myself to play with my schedule pretty pretty flexibly, like I have a loose plan, I'll probably probably make a post it I won't five. Again, I won't schedule it out completely. But like every day I haven't posted and I write down, what are the three to five things that I'd like to get done today. And every day is gonna be different. So if I don't get all three to five of those things on that post it done every single day, okay, tomorrow's another day. But tomorrow, my priorities might be different. Those three to five things might not be the same things that I didn't get to the day before. So I it's like a nice to have list. It's like, here's what I would like to see done. And if I get one of those things done, I feel good about it. If the other four didn't happen, okay, then they weren't as much of a priority as I thought, or they can wait, or I'll get to them tomorrow or I won't. And every day is a new post it because otherwise the list just grows and grows and grows. So yeah, I've played around with the ways that that worked for me and not beating myself up about it when things don't go the way I plan.

Jamie Stephens: 24:29

No, I can relate to that. I mean, I I've tried time blocking. I've tried Pomodoro I've tried I mean specific days for things and I've kind of just like, accepted the fact that that is just not how my brain works. Because I am very, very good at planning everything out like 47 steps. But then whenever I see that plan, I'm like, Oh my God, I feel so overwhelmed. And then I just kind of turned into this like mess. Yeah, that is the one thing that has worked for me too. As far as like following my energy, because I'm I'm the same way I very much in the morning, that's my knee time, that's my reflective time, that's my anything that I want to get done, that's going to require me to like really kind of put my thinking cap on or kind of think outside the box or go inside and kind of sit with myself. Like all of those things have to happen in the morning. I, I've even tried to like schedule podcasts in the evening to record and I have noticed that it's just not the same, like my energy is different. My like, I'm just tired. I mean, when it's dark outside, I'm done. No, it's just, I get like trying to find what it is that works for you. And I think that's one of the real gifts of entrepreneurship is really like once you do find what works for you having that flexibility and freedom to kind of design your life around how you feel. And it makes such a difference, like the way that you show up and how you show up. And

Chelle Shapiro: 26:01

yeah, I get that. Yeah, I mean, I've also tried to like excessively schedule out my, my Google calendar. And, and I mean, with things that are not business related, like I've put on there a time block for meditation, or I've clicked on their time block to engage or wind down to eat, I have whoops school reminders set to like, remind me to eat, because when I'm focused on things and going down that rabbit hole, I don't always remember to get up and do those things. So it's good to have those things on the calendar and scheduled at specific times to keep that consistency in my brain remembering that whether or not I actually stop and do those things is a different story. Because, again, if I'm deep in something, and I'm like, Oh, I just need a few more minutes to finish it, finish it, or like get through it. Let's get through this one part. And then I can break. And then maybe lunch happens a little bit later. But it still happens. Because I've been reminded of it. It's not like I just completely circumvent it and don't have it at all. Because the I definitely did that. In corporate, I definitely was like if I don't get all these things done in this timely fashion. And at this time when it's do ahead of schedule or like all these things, people will be mad at me. I cannot take a two minute break to go to the bathroom. I don't remember to drink water. And when I'm stopping for lunch break, like I'm not really stopping because I'm stuffing my food in my mouth and shoving him and shoving it down my throat while I'm also on this call while I'm tweaking this file while I'm sending this email. And that's not a healthy way to do those things. And yeah, if I walked away from my desk for like two seconds, my previous boss would be like, what, how come you're not here? Where were you? I came to look for you. And I'm like, I needed to use the restroom like chill. But really, it got hammered in and reinforced that if I stepped away for even a moment to heat my food or whatever it was that the place was going to fall apart or it felt like it because people were like, Where were you I came to look for you in the one moment that I was gone. That's when you needed me? Or did you could you have survived and waited 10 seconds. So I'm it feels so much better. Now that I just do things in a healthier way for myself. That's really good.

Jamie Stephens: 28:31

So you said your book is called Loving yourself isn't selfish. So tell me some of the ways that you have chosen to love yourself? And also, if there's any stories about how you came up with that title, if somebody had told you that or anything like that, can we go into that a little bit? Yeah,

Chelle Shapiro: 28:51

the ways that that you can love yourself. Let's let's start with that. And I'm not I'm definitely not voting the quoting the book, because because I don't think we actually had a list of ways to love yourself in there. But we definitely we definitely covered all those things. But the overarching things were like self acceptance, and giving yourself space. If you have something to say that that's that's an overarching theme in all of my work, not just in my book, if you have something to say speak up. You don't need to stay silent. You don't need to keep doing things that everybody else wants you to do autonomy. I'm really big on autonomy, finding what works for you. There's a million ways to do everything he maybe not a million I'm exaggerating, but there's always more than one way to do something. And so for me what works is and what's always been my way of doing things, the end the way that I figured out the small the actual thing that I'm trying to do. I play around with every other people's ways of doing things all the time. I'll read an instruction manual or watch this video I'll go take this person's course I'll test a million test the waters a million different Ways, again, a million is overreaching, and very, very generic. You know what I mean? I'll try things in so many different variations and combinations. And I'll see which pieces of that work for me. And then that's what I put together and create my own thing. So finding your way and having that autonomy, not letting anybody stick it to you. And like, again, like having boundaries in place, knowing what you need, and asking for it, asking for help. Like, there's so many different things that you can do to love yourself. And because I was such a people, pleaser, a helper, no boundaries in place wanted that affection and attention. Even when I thought I was being myself, I wasn't myself because I didn't know who I was. So knowing who you are, and figuring that out and taking time and space to do that for yourself, is the way to love yourself. A lot of people think that like self help and self care is bubble backs, and meditation and yoga or going for a run. And yeah, it is those things, it can be those things it can be mani pedi ease or like whatever like thing it is that you do to feel good about yourself. But it's also the inner work that you do on yourself, accepting yourself for who you are, where you are, when you are how you are all the different ways. And maybe you don't have all those down all at once. But yeah, there, I didn't have any of that. I didn't feel supported I, I just really needed to overhaul myself in so many ways. And once I could see that for myself, I wanted everybody else to be able to see that for themselves, too. So that's really, so many different ways that you can learn to love yourself, and not feel guilty about it. And as far as where that title came from, I had an amazing book coach, Linda Vetri, Snuggles. And she's one of the high vibe women that I am joined with on Thursdays for one of our live streams. And when I first met her, we didn't meet in a in a business way of like working together, we met through a mutual friend on LinkedIn. And then we were curious to learn more about each other. We have done a discovery call like it get to know you coffee thing, not even a zoom, we did an actual old school like phone call. And she was like, I always do this for the first call. Because like, I want people to get to know, like, know, and trust me, like I don't want them to like, see any reactions that we have or like, we can take like the facial cues and recognition out of it for the first one. And that that was different for me because I it especially during the pandemic got used to people wanting to show up face to face even virtually, yeah. And I had no preconceived notions of like, and I did ask our mutual friend like, hey, like, do you think this is gonna be a sales pitch? Because so many people are like always sliding into your DMS with like, the spammy content or trying to sell you or like, How can I support you, and then they really want to pitch you and I hate them. But I didn't know what it was gonna be. And I removed all expectations, any anything that I I could have possibly attached to it being and it just was a frank conversation that then turned into you. Well, I help people write books in 30 days, this is what Linda does not me. She helps people write books in 30 days or less from their soul. And I had no idea about that this I want I knew I always wanted to be an author. I knew that I always like had a book in me probably several books. I did at that point, have like children's books that I were already like, in the process or in my mind, and I had outlines for them. This was none of that this was a totally different thing. We went through this, we had a conversation and she was like, Hey, do you want to just do this exercise, it'll like help you release things. I call we could dive in on this. I like a whole other point because I think it's a conversation in itself. I call it an exorcism. This is not what Linda calls it. But that's what it felt like for me. She took me through this exercise of releasing things that were holding me back. And we needed to do that in order to have me be at the level of my soul. Even the breathing exercises that she took me through and then the way that she was like oh I can feel I feel this like tickle in my throat or like she started coughing and she was feeling my energy that I was blocked and as I'm a manifesting generator on my human design chart, and my throat chakra is one of my main My main channels and often, and she didn't know this about me, this was still our first conversation. She didn't know this about me. And she was like, I can feel like you're not telling me something like, there's something that you're holding back. And I was like, well, like, do get a block in my throat, like I get a knot in my throat, like a physical thing, when I'm not speaking my truth when I'm holding something back because of that, that ingrained way of like, girls should be seen and not heard, and being told to not speak up or raise my hand. And so even not even realizing I was doing it, she could sense it through the phone, we're not on a phone call, she can't see this. So she walked me through this exercise, and she was like, Alright, now that you've done that, she's like, first, well, hydrate, hydrate a lot, you're probably gonna be tired tomorrow, and breasts. And I just felt such a weight off of my entire body after that. Were those that book title. And then my chapters of my book came from, was when she asked me some very, very pointed, matter of fact, questions, maybe like 10 to 12, just the first thing that comes to your mind, what do you want the world to know? What do you want people to know about you? Like, what do you want? How are you going to show up? Where are you going to teach? Like, all she just whatever the questions were, I don't remember the exact questions. And those were my answers. And that was the outline of my book. And she was like your books right there. I don't want to take you through the whole process, because it's her thing. Yeah. She just asked me some very simple questions once I was at the level of my soul. And that's what came up. That is so cool. Yeah,

Jamie Stephens: 36:36

I'm so curious. Now I'm gonna have to hop on one of those 30 days

Chelle Shapiro: 36:43

start to finish a book was born and published.

Jamie Stephens: 36:48

That is so cool. Yeah. How has that process changed things for you like having a book being a published author, having that just kind of birthing experience, almost to where it's really just, you know, coming forth for me, like, how did that change things for you, as far as well, your business, but then also just kind of like your personal

Chelle Shapiro: 37:11

state, you changed my life, and my business in quite a few ways. I was already at this time seeing a therapist, but this process was way more beneficial for me, than anything that I could have gone through as a therapist. Now, I'm not negating any of the work that I did with a therapist, I think every high functioning woman should have a therapist at one point in their life, because there's probably some crap that you need to unpack, and, and, and work through. But this process was different. Because where you're in when you're in therapy, it's very one sided. You don't know anything about the other person. It's very, like you're sharing yourself and getting none of them. And as a relationship builder, I needed that connection. And Linda and I were building our relationship, we were building a friendship. We were building trust way beyond anything that she could help me with therapy wise. And then some, I would definitely call that some kind of some kind of therapy was happening there, whether he liked it or not. But it was just a release so much trauma that I had pent up that I didn't even know was there. And so things just kept tumbling out. She would ask questions, we would transcribe my responses to them. And that's like the book just kept coming and kept coming and kept coming. Stories just kept coming up. She'd asked me to clarify one thing, or like, what did you mean by this, and then I'd go down this whole other rabbit hole with a whole other story. And she's like, Oh, we can put that here. I like things just kept coming up. Things. I just kept working through more and more things. This is part of like the ongoing journey of self awareness and healing, and transformation. And being an entrepreneur, because as I grow and change and learn, these are now things that I can bring to other people. These are now things that I feel more confident about helping other people navigate to, it really helped me clarify my voice to knowing and pulling out some stories that like, Oh, this is part of my, my bigger picture. This is why I'm here. This is where this came from this how we connect the dots and how I got to this level of burnout and healing and meeting all of this, the continued conversations through the high vibe conversation. The high vibe conversations is what the show is called on Thursdays that other people can do. It's it's like having a candid, candid conversation. That's private, but people are seeing it People can get an inside look into that, like an inside glimpse into like the real, real rawness, for lack of a better word phrase of like what we've gone through, and it's relatable. So it's changed my business, because I'm vulnerable, more outwardly. I'm not ashamed to hide it. And I, again, I'm speaking up and you can't silence me now. Unless you want me to be quiet, because I've been rambling on and on. But yeah, like this is it's, it's remarkable. It's like you've taken you can't put the genie back in the bottle. Now, you can't, I can't there's no undoing this, this progress. There's no going back. There's no being the Chelle version one that I was, I am going to keep evolving and being new versions of myself. And the business is going to change as I change too. Because as I get better, you can't you can't stay I can't stay the same. So every everything grows and changes. And I'm excited. I'm excited about it. Yeah. I'm excited to see what's next. That's awesome.

Jamie Stephens: 41:09

All right. Well, as we wrap up here, do you want to tell people where they can find you? And listen in on these conversations? All of the things?

Chelle Shapiro: 41:17

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. easiest place to find me is on LinkedIn, Chelle ch, E, Ll. E. Shapiro S H, A P IO is my handle. You can also go and follow the company page, which is Chelle station, ch, e LL, e s, t a t i o n. And the website is actually get shelled G E T, S, H E, ll e d.com. So a little bit confusing there between the Chelle and the shell. We didn't even cover that today about how those things relate. Maybe that's another topic too, for another day. But LinkedIn is the easiest place to find me. You can also connect with me on Instagram. And as I mentioned earlier, some of the evening work that I do is more the one on one training and helping people show up and brand themselves and put themselves out there to separate themselves and find more fulfilling work. So the LinkedIn training is Thursday evenings on clubhouse in the thought leadership branding room. And so if you want to learn how to stand out and do that, on your LinkedIn profile, and from an online perspective, feel free to jump jumping in join our conversation on Thursdays on clubhouse, so many ways to connect with me. I don't even know if I've named them all. Yeah, and I'll

Jamie Stephens: 42:39

link everything in the show notes as well. I just wanted to give a quick like, Hey, if you're just listening, I know some time listening

Chelle Shapiro: 42:46

clubhouse, LinkedIn, Instagram. That's where I'm at.

Jamie Stephens: 42:48

Yeah. Awesome. Well, thank you so much. So

Chelle Shapiro: 42:52

yeah, it's been a pleasure, Jamie. I look forward to continuing our conversation, and seeing what change we can bring together.

Jamie Stephens: 43:00

All right, so who is ready for their own operation separation. Something I want to shout from the rooftops I know you've heard it from me. And now you've heard it from Shell story too. So like jumping straight into the key takeaways. Number one, sick and tired. Don't wait until your body and mind are on the verge of collapse before you make your plan to leave that job that's killing you. Number two boundaries, combat people pleasing, always doing what everybody else wants you to do. And ignoring what lights you up will leave you empty, unfulfilled and resentful. Just because you're good at something or you've done it in the past doesn't mean you have to do it now. Number three, breaking the cycle. When you break free from people pleasing, or whatever your thing is, be prepared that a lot of people won't like your new boundary. Know this and just be prepared to remember that this is a way of honoring yourself. Number four, and learning. As a society, women are conditioned to only show up in a certain way or only show part of themselves. We've been told our whole lives were too loud or too direct or too smart or too, whatever. The more you peel back those layers and unlearn. The more you figure out who you really are, and it's all a work in progress. Number five, follow your energy. If scheduling blocks and tomato timers don't work for you, don't force it. Some tasks are just better at a certain time of day. Explore what works for you by paying attention to how you feel and letting energy be your guide. Number six, loving yourself is not selfish. Here are some easy ways you can love yourself that are beyond the self care routines, you know, set boundaries, practice self acceptance. Speak up, know who you are. Be aware of what you need, and ask for it. Alright, that's it. Thanks so much to shell for being on the show today. I have linked everything up in the show notes. If you feel like being around Rock Star go ahead and send this episode to a friend or leave a review so more women can find this show Have a great week and I'll see you next time